I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
