Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
