Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I will be naked everywhere
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
