apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
