Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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