What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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