We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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