I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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