so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
