I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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