"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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