Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
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