If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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