I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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