i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
