Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
