When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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