well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
