It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
