it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
