haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
