Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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