apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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