I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
