No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
