1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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