So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
