apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize