Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
