that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
