So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
