I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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