He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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