Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
