I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
