Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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