We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
