At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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