We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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