I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you have feelings for this penis?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
