so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
