the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
