I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
