i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
