checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
