We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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