Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...