he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
