Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"