is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
