So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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