so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
