Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We just shotgunned beers for America
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
