i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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