Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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