i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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