Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
