I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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