I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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