Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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