you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
