My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
