Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
