how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
