My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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