Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
