I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
