new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
