He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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