i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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