Screwed.edu
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
