An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
