Having a random hookup so left but love u
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
