I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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