yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
