Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
