remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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