i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
