well most of my day revolves around power hour
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
