you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
