I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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